I invite you to read this post in its entirety.  If you read my initial post,  scroll down to the Epilogue, and please share it as needed.  Mental Health should be a TOP PRIORITY for us all!   

 

 

Sometimes I wish he wasn’t Black.  Then other times it is what I loved about him.  You see, when I first met him, he was kind and gentle, had a heart of gold and it was his love of heart that inspired me. Sometimes I wish Politics didn’t exist. But it does. I wish hatred and division didn’t exist.  But it does.  I wish evil didn’t exist.  But it does.  

You see, I was going to marry him, but I didn’t.  Perhaps I saw the subtle signs even then.  Perhaps it was something higher than myself that whispered: “not to.” I called off the engagement. For years, I thought of him and wondered what he was up to and had some thoughts of regret.   Eventually, the “missing him” became less and less; but yes, I thought of him a lot throughout the years we did not communicate physically. Perhaps telepathically, we always had as I came to know later.

You see, I missed our conversations as when we first met well over 20 years ago.  Sometimes they were intelligent, other times it was just about “life”.  His and mine.  You see, we lived in different cities and we met online, yet our connection was not one of “online.”  It was a connection of the soul.  “Kindred spirits,” I would tell him often.  “Yeah,” he would respond.  I could see his smile over the phone or emails we sent almost daily.  Long emails.  Eventually, my parents and family met him, I met his kids, and all seemed wholesome.

You see, he wanted to evolve and understand life as I did; therefore, our banter became easy and effortless.  The fact that we could agree to disagree and then gently we would just laugh about it and makeup as if nothing had ever happened and move on, was refreshing to say the least.   That I loved about him.  And I missed that aspect of our friendship the most; even if my life was taking a different turn with a new man as was his with a new woman.   

You see, he was kinda like my best friend, and our connection, as he reminded me recently was “something very special…We had an understanding on a level that very few people get to.”  Indeed it was.  It was something I hadn’t experienced since my first “real love,” as a young college woman. In retrospect, it was perhaps deeper, freer.  I felt as if I could fall backward into his arms any minute and gently he would catch me.  And I would definitely catch him in return.  

Yes, I missed that and I longed for him at times.  Then earlier this year, he reached out to me after 8 years.  And we talked for a long time and we reminisced and laughed. I was elated that he too had been missing me.

Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit, but he was going through a divorce; therefore we agreed it was best we didn’t communicate then. (I laughed when he blamed Trump for his upcoming divorce, but in retrospect, I should’ve known what was coming). I paid no mind to it since he and I usually kidded like that.  Again we lost contact for a few months.  Yet, I still felt his presence and I knew that he too thought of me as he let me know publicly on FB. “It was FB official.” Ha. Ha.  My heart danced and tapped along the sidewalks of yesteryear. 

Then one day, I was taken by total surprise around the time of George Floyd’s brutal death in the hands of a White police officer. He began to text me again, but I noticed a difference in his texts and calls and things began to get really dark and ominous. Things went SOUTH very quickly and I began to feel violated and harassed somehow. 

There were no more pleasantries…nor “Hi, how are you stranger?” as was his custom.  He just flat out asked me: “Who are you voting for in this election?”  I tried to talk to him like before…joked about his questions, thinking he was kidding; yet he was adamant.  I tried to tell him I had written a piece on my blog about that senseless cruel act in the hands of an officer who shouldn’t have been there in the first place; but he wouldn’t listen.  Instead, he proceeded to go to my FB page and started to dissect and attack my posts about my love of country and patriotism, my posts about how we are all God’s children, my 99% positive posts and demanded that I tell him who I was voting for. 

I began to discern that his love for me appeared to be conditional and he actually voiced later that it indeed was conditional: on the condition that I admit that Black Lives Matter and that if I didn’t admit this, then I too was a skinhead, a white supremacist,  part of the KKK, and a racist. And this is coming from you, I thought? A man who knows my heart.  A man whom in the past I had given my all to?  I felt betrayed that he would even question my love for all people, all races, all colors.  He has always known that I believe ALL LIVES MATTER.   

And it was then that I knew he was a changed man.  Forever.   This was not the man that I had fallen in love with years before. I was baffled, saddened, and I began to grieve what was happening to our friendship of so many years.  (And to our country for that matter).

“But you don’t understand because you are not Black,” he told me more than once.   Sure, I know that he is a Black man and that he was definitely wounded by some of the police brutality and perhaps the genetic memory of his ancestors’ suffering; yet he would not lend an ear and listen to reason anymore no matter what I said.    He seemed blinded by his hurt, his own past, and perhaps life had jaded him. I was saddened for him and I told him that I empathized with him. 

He simply would not listen.  And I tried to tell him that I felt his pain.  That perhaps his current anguish was so much more intense because we were not alive to witness other atrocities like the American Indians/and my own ancestors who were butchered by the White man.   The fact that the Jews were incinerated by Hitler. The fact that this was not the first time a race has suffered atrocities in the hands of evil.  And the list could go on and on as to how all races one way or another have suffered; but that together, we would overcome.   He would not listen! It was if he was possessed by a hateful and evil spirit.  

Then one day, I “suddenly” stopped caring.   You see that is what happens when people begin to force their own agenda on you. When people don’t listen to your heart, your desires, your upbringing, your beliefs, and your own pain body. When people begin to judge you and collectively lump you with everybody else who has different outlooks on things. You just don’t care anymore.  I was tired of carrying his heavy load and I lost total interest in his wellbeing. Hadn’t Jesus already carried it for both of us over 2000 years before?

Then the anarchists came out in droves.  The buildings were burnt down, the historic, commemorative statues of our forefathers were trampled, innocent bystanders and those trying to secure and protect their businesses were hurt and even killed, and the slurs of “You Racist,” “Trump Lover,” “Black Lives Matter,” and “Fuck the Police,” ensued.

It was a very sad time for me.  It still is for the most part; yet I am learning to live with and adapt to these challenging times.   As if we didn’t have enough in our hands with COVID-19! I thought.  Another senseless act of cowardice from a communist country it seems.  But who am I to point fingers?  I am merely writing an open letter to HEAL myself and perhaps reach other people who might be going through a similar circumstance with dissension, hurt by their country’s destruction, bullied for their beliefs and being falsely accused by friends, family, and loved ones because they are patriots like myself.  

The world as I knew it; the world that he and I knew, no longer exists.   Still, I tried to come to him in Love. I would send him scripture, I would send him songs that reminded me of our time together, I would send him pictures.  I tried to do everything in LOVE. But still, he didn’t listen to reason; therefore, I stopped wanting to talk to him. 

He drained me and I began to dread his texts.   He began to steal my joy.    I couldn’t believe this was the same man that I had loved so dearly and at times, still did.  I felt violated and at times emotionally abused. My feelings began to resonate with some of my clients’ own as they share how they feel abused, bullied for their beliefs, they feel unheard, and their mental health begins to deteriorate.  As a therapist, I KNEW what was happening to me and it was time to take care of myself!

And all of this because of politics I thought? Trump and Biden don’t give a fuck about our love, our friendship! I thought. And I too began to get bitter and upset over the state of our union.  I didn’t feel like watching the news, the state of the world, or communicate with others.  Still, the TikTok videos from him continued to burn up my phone!  His attacks of “I already know who you are going to vote for,” ensued! I could hear the rage and the wrath in the texts he would send as I replied that it was a very personal choice and matter for me.

Yes, there were flickers of hope that our friendship would endure this chaos. But after telling me one day that we could end on a good note as we listened to a song;  the very next morning, as I sent him scripture, he floored me by texting “Your god is Satan. Stop saying, god. You sound like Trump.”  I simply shook my head in disbelief and I knew that the Holy Spirit again was whispering to me that I had to leave for good this time. It was then that my love and respect for him began to diminish further. It was time to stop his attacks, it was time to not get infected by his demons. It was just TIME.

Yet, I am a strong woman, woven from my mother’s cloth and I texted him back to simply look up what the defense mechanism “Projection” meant and that after this last text, he would never hear from me again.  EVER!  

Still, I will never forget the awesome times together.  I will forever be grateful for the times we shared, but that is my PAST now.  When he disrespected my love for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, he lost me forever; still, I will forgive him because as scripture reminds me in Luke 23:24 he knows not what he does. I will keep him and others oppressed like him in my prayers because we truly are all brothers and sisters in Christ. We all have a choice for our personal religious and political views, yet we must do it in a respectful manner.

I can honestly say that our chapter is closed and now I KNOW that I KNOW that God closes the doors HE knows should be closed and I’m ready for the TWO that will OPEN!

Well my dear “past” beloved, I will answer the question you have hounded me with for months:

First and foremost, I believe that our current president was placed in the highest office in our country by our God, not for our purpose; but for His. No, he is not perfect by any means as you and I aren’t either.  It is your choice to like or respect him; but as President, he has a solid record of accomplishments (especially in the minority communities).  What about God creating us all equal?  Isn’t love greater than anything else?  What is it that is missing in your personal life that you don’t seem to understand that with love all things are possible? 

I realized by this time that he was clearly acting out in a state of unconsciousness. 

You see, here are some of the reasons why I consider Trump’s leadership and successful legislative agenda to be better suited to make American GREATER even during and after this current COVID-19 devastating pandemic. When it will end is anybody’s guess; but what would you have done as President if this invisible Enemy struck while you were in office? Some say he should’ve had a plan? What plan? The last pandemic of this magnitude came 100 years ago. Did presidents before him leave one behind? Did President Harding have one in place last time there was a pandemic of this magnitude? If the answer is yes, then I do agree that he should’ve had one in place; but the Enemy struck and it struck FAST as lightning!   

Think about this dear, or are you too bamboozled by the “fake news” that clearly abhors Trump? Trying to make him this despicable ogre who didn’t listen to Science? This brings to my memory a piece I read in which Thomas Jefferson wrote to his daughter  when he too was having backlash and hatred: “…surrounded by enemies and spies catching and perverting every word that falls from my lips or flows from my pen, and inventing where facts fail them.” Hmmmmmm. 

For your perusal, I have added the following link, dear:

https://710wor.iheart.com/featured/mark-simone/content/2019-07-24-a-new-list-of-the-trump-administrations-accomplishments/

Finally, the “new” democrats are NOT the democrats my parents voted for when they stood for the rule of law and democracy; and not a socialist government utopia that Biden and his camp presumably want. Presidents like Jimmy Carter and JFK would’ve never approved of the lawlessness or the mostly liberal progressive direction that this new party appears to be taking. And Kamala Harris for Vice-President? Please! Have you researched her past and how under her California legislative duties imprisoned many of your brothers?    

Dr. Martin Luther King, who was instrumental in electing JFK, never protested at night as Emmanuel Cleaver noted so eloquently a few days ago.  He was a man of pure love for  ALL LIVES and he too would be appalled at what his party is allowing to happen out in the streets (mostly at night).

These new democrats, in my opinion, are radical socialists, part of the cancel culture, and they will only hurl us deeper into the far-left-debt-ridden country that Trump rescued us from. Why do they seem to be spewing hatred and division further? Trump has done more economically in less than 4 years than the previous administration in 8 years and this to me speaks for itself. 

Growing up, all I knew was that we were democrats.  I respected my parents’ vote and my humble migrant beginnings and understood then that we needed government assistance.  I thanked and loved my country dearly even then. As a child, I remember buying groceries and paying with a “food stamps” booklet. I felt as if I was rich because I had “money.” Smiling, I would leave the store knowing that I could come back and buy more bread and eggs next time.  But as I became educated and open-minded; I began to realize that the world was my oyster! After having been in the workforce since a teen as a migrant farmworker, it became clear to me that I had to rethink some of the political shenanigans and deep-rooted innuendoes and I didn’t want to be owned by any government entity.  I could now use my hard-earned cash and pay for my own groceries and at times treat the next person in line! Still, to this day, I’m thankful for the assistance then; yet that is not who I am now and I see way too many people take advantage of our government programs. 

Now I truly love my country and I am saddened when I see our American flags and Bibles being burnt by so-called peaceful protestors in mostly Democrat-run cities.  Brutal, savage acts, they are.   Yes, there are some racist policemen who clearly shouldn’t be wearing that blue uniform (and they will be prosecuted) but defunding the police and/or diverting the money elsewhere will only make the violence that now exists to skyrocket! Yes, I do believe in social justice for all lives and that the issue is about the inequality and injustice of some of the descendants of slaves in America, but change cannot occur with a fist hand, my friend! Have you done research on the origins of Slavery? Were you aware that even Harris’ ancestors apparently owned slaves? Come on man!

I refuse to be enslaved by any man, any party, anything that is not directed from ABOVE.   It is those people who continue to be enslaved by their minds that will forever suffer.    The more you run away from something, the more IT chases you relentlessly.  I am no longer running. You can stop chasing me now!   

Dearly beloved, I leave you with this lyric from one of my favorite poets who refused to be imprisoned by his own country’s political woes.  As a matter of fact, he was to stage a concert in Jamaica in 1976 in an attempt to quell recent violence when he endured an attempted assassination.    Luckily, he did not die that day and later on wrote one of the greatest songs of all time.  At that time, he had already been diagnosed with cancer and according to his wife Rita, “he was already in a lot of pain and dealt with his own mortality, a feature that is clearly apparent in the album,” particularly in the song, Redemption.

In it, Bob Marley eloquently reminds us,  “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, non but ourselves can free our minds.”

Yes, I knew I was ready to answer your question that morning after your blasphemous and disrespectful comment about how “my god was Satan” and how “I sounded like Trump.” Still, I will always cherish all the lessons our friendship taught me: both good and bad. Now I understand why God allowed you to come back into my life at this stage in my evolution. It was to turn my mess into one of the biggest messages that I will continue to impart on others: knowing when to walk away and when to no longer be enslaved as John 8:32 boldly reminds us:

“And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

I am free, bold, and transparent enough to say that in this election, I am casting my vote for our current President, Donald J. Trump.

Epilogue:

After the election, as I expected he would, he texted me and asked if I was okay!  Then a few days later, he continued sending me  TikTok videos (in one of them, he even complimented me by saying that the girl in the video (a beautiful Latina) looked like me when I was young.)  I knew then that if I was not a trained therapist, I might’ve succumbed to the lies of the enemy once again.   Ladies (and men out there), please look for red flags of an abuser, a manipulator, and please do not be afraid to educate yourselves.  

The election is over, but our President rightfully is questioning the many irregularities of the tallies that have ensued.    There are growing reports of fraud in swing states making their way onto alternative news sites – that the mainstream media obviously won’t touch.  At this stage in the lawsuits, narrative, and the uncertainty, it is important for us to be patient and let the legal process play out. 

At this time, I personally have lost faith in our Electoral process for the most part.    The fact that one illegal vote is found is one too many; therefore I will focus on what is important: continuing taking care of my mental health as well as that of my clients.   Mental Health should be a TOP PRIORITY right now (as always) and I urge you to do the same.  Stay away from social media, stay away from mainstream media, and begin to do your own soul searching and research in the alternative outlets.  Yes, it is a sad situation; but we have to be realists, and as Eckhart Tolle reminds us: Non-Judgement, Non-Attachment, and Non-Resistance are the Keys to a Happy LIFE!!

Share this blog post with any man or woman who you know could be in an unhealthy relationship.  Be well and safe and never lose the faith that God will ultimately lead us in the right direction!! 

Controlling Men: Empowering Advice For Women Involved With Bullies