Narrator: I especially liked how she began this chapter with one of her journal entries. I could sense her heart as I read her words. At this point, I knew my client’s heart more than anything. I could sense her passion and her belief in the good of all people.

8/2/19

Sipping on my coffee, my cat was outside waiting to be fed and I witnessed a beautiful thing: a baby squirrel coming to eat from the guava tree. Carefully, it picked out ripe guava, and then she scurried up the palm tree and ate it there peacefully. Dallas, my dog, was just looking at it as if to say, “Wow, she’s pretty smart to run up the palm tree, away from me.”

I then noticed the mother squirrel scurrying across the fence. This time, Dallas tried to get it, and pounced on it, but he couldn’t reach high enough. It’s so lovely waking up this morning and not having to rush to work. Just being able to be home, commune with my angels as I look at their serene faces. “What a beautiful couple they are.”

They were here on earth married for 71 years, but they are now in heaven. I see all my siblings at their 50th-anniversary celebration.  What a magnificent day, that was. Yes, solitude is beautiful. And it does not mean being lonely. It just means that you are content and happy. This day is going to be a beautiful prosperous day as the Word reminds us.

It is a beautiful morning and I’ll allow God to lead me. I have been working on the Talkspace counseling platform, and it has been a learning curve, but I will embrace it. Yes, solitude is a state of mind, a peace of mind, and always keeping that light pointing in the right direction which for me is looking up towards the heavens. Up towards where the angels live, up to where my parents are, and up to where one day I will be.

Yes, solitude is magnificent. And it does not mean being lonely. It just means that you are content and happy

Having woken up just a while ago, Sadie goes about her morning routine as she grieves the loss of her brother-in-law Willie. A few days ago, after a short illness, at almost 81 years of age, he transitioned to a brand-new world. One without pain, without fear, and without the turmoil that 2020 has put the world through. In the last few years since their reunion and more so since her parents died, he had become like a father figure to her. He, being one of her oldest brothers-in-law and the one that she had been traveling to Europe with, was dear to her from the start. His love of sports, gambling on his horses, and intelligent conversations were endearing. Chuckling to herself, she recalls the last conversation they had about President Trump winning this year’s heated presidential election.

Laying in his hospital bed that day, he told her, “Trump is going to win, he’s making more noise!” Willie always had a way with words. He didn’t mince them much and spoke his truth in a way that only he could. “Being from New Mexico,” he would say, “we tell it like it is,” with a twinkle in his eyes. It was not unusual for Willie to go up to strangers at the airport, at restaurants, at his beloved racetracks (wherever he might be) and begin and hold a long conversation. Today, Sadie is positive that he would’ve gotten President Trump’s attention as well. He just had that uncanny ability to do that! She smiles softly as her heart rejoices at the thought of their last words to each other: “I love you.”

Sadie will keep her sister Maricela in her heart and daily pray that she be filled with the Holy Spirit so her grieving will be without much anguish. We all grieve differently; yet after 50 years of “healthy arguing,” as she put it, it will no doubt be hard on her. Maricela knows that she has the love of her sisters and brother to fall toward as needed.

Sadie smiles and looks about her kitchen. She will eventually share this last story with her sisters because you see, Sadie and Willie are about the only conservative Republicans in their immediate family as far as she knows. Chuckling to herself, she murmurs “We might be the only two Republicans in the family unless there are a few ‘closet’ ones!” That would be another story for another day, she thinks.

But yes, she is grieving the loss of her brother-in-law. She knows that he is an angel in heaven now running around his favorite racetracks or talking up a storm with his loved ones who were ecstatic to see him! She recalls that fateful day when she found out she had sisters, and she is overjoyed with emotions to have come from a large, extended family. They are all grieving together and daily their texts are positive, uplifting, and thankful that Willie is no longer suffering. 2020 has clearly been a year of many trials and tribulations, and several painful losses; but together as a family, they are pulling through and eventually will be stronger!

They, being true Christians, know that God will never leave them nor forsake them. The music upstairs reminds her, oh yes, that beautiful music where God reminds her, “I am that I am… Trust me, dear Child…come to me when you are weary and tired. Just Believe!”

Reaching out for her journal, she begins a poem:

As I sit and meander through the lily fields of my mind…I see you Jesus.

Rolling around in the sand of my heart.

Sharing your peace with me…praying it reaches my sister.

Why is my hurt for her deeper than it is for me Jesus?

(and just like that, as if on cue, her sister texts a picture of her beloved husband) (wow)

Oceans-a-plenty, heart-shaped snapshots of our travels together.

Seeing us three walk along marvelous, picturesque shores and mountains.

Experiencing our long journeys to foreign, quaint villages together…soaking it all in.

Riding the waves of newness, sunsets that leave you breathless, and mornings that inspire love stories.

Longing to one day do it again without hesitation.

Together with you Jesus.

Sadie begins to sob slowly, and she knows that her heart is grieving also. She will miss him dearly; yet she knows that she will see him again one fine day. She finds relief in knowing that he is with his family, her family, those that have gone before her and most importantly she is with “that man Jesus,” as Willie called him. Sadie’s heart smiles.

Just like that, a murmuring nudge reminds her of the series Bolivar, a Netflix account of Simon Bolivar. It was indeed the “patriotas” who were fighting for liberation from the Spanish rulers. Could she too be one of those “patriotas” traversing the Andes, swishing across the swamps of Venezuela, and walking hundreds of miles as they marched to end their oppression! Today, many consider Bolivar to be the George Washington of South America. A liberator. Could she be like “Manuelita, ” his partner of 8 years before his untimely death at 48 from tuberculosis? Doesn’t her wild heart still beat today, and she is not afraid to speak her truth despite what people might think of her choices? She, like they, believes in “We the People,” not “We the Government!”

This has been an election like no other in her lifetime. The country is divided, there is a lot of misinformation out there in the airways, and there is so much bias against Trump that Sadie at times will retreat to her study and shake her head as the millions begin to go out to vote. But are they voting for Biden’s platform or are they voting against our current president? Are they getting the “full picture” or a skewed one in favor of a society that will be ruled by a party that believes in an apparent socialist government agenda? Don’t they know that a socialist government has NEVER worked in the history of the world?

Trump, a man who is clearly not a politician, has undoubtedly done more for this country in the last 3.5 years than Biden has done in his 47 years of being in Washington. Still, Trump’s name has been smeared by some “fake-news journalists” and the poor guy can’t seem to lay his head on the pillow without the media saying he is hurting that pillow.

(And as fate would have it, as she edits her manuscript, October 2022, our country has never experienced our current hardship:  the highest inflation in 40 years, atrocious crime rates, Covid mismanagement, an open border with over 2M illegal encounters which aid the Mexican drug lords smuggle fentanyl into the U.S. at record-high amounts, tapping into emergency petroleum reserves, trillions of dollars in debt, historic international failures as the Afghanistan withdrawal, abortion schemes, and the list does go on and on.

Hasn’t God predestined ALL things so that some of us will WAKE UP? Why did He allow this administration to win, I ask. Despite everything that has happened in 2020 and 2021 with Black Lives Matter, George Floyd, the “Summer of Love” Riots, etc., etc. one man cannot heal our country. We must all Conservatively Respect Each Other’s Rights…….and Pray for each other so that we can Vote for ONE person that can “see” things as our forefathers did……..Simply and Realistically…………… It might not be in the form of a Person from a specific party…..but perhaps in the form of Spirit?

Sadie chuckles and shakes her head and doesn’t dwell on this nonsense since she knows what she believes in despite the masses’ cries. Her parents, also having been through turmoil in Ireland as teenagers growing up, instilled in her and raised her to be a strong, courageous, and brave-hearted soul! Her heart cannot be tamed, her heart cannot be jaded, and she will vote conservatively this year as she always has. She will be “Manuelita!” Hmmmmm.

Sadie has been feeling raw emotions since the United States capitol incident yesterday. As she washes the dishes tonight, she can’t get that young lady’s face off her mind. Sadie was a kid living in Los Angeles and watching the local news that day when Robert F. Kennedy was shot and the stunned and shocked expression on his face resembled Ashli’s expression at that moment. Did she too know she was dying?

Putting up the dishes, Sadie stops and grabs her journal, imagining what might’ve transpired before, during, and after that young lady’s fateful day. For her, writing is the light and therapy she needs. She knows that all she is witnessing and experiencing will be part of her second book as she tries to make sense of what has happened.

She writes:

When I made a choice of going into the capitol today, exercising my first amendment, I never expected that it would turn into mayhem and I would be met by gunfire.

When I left my house in San Diego yesterday afternoon, I was motivated to speak up for what I believed to be some of the politicians’ hypocrisy and what seemed a fraudulent election.

When I left my home, the vivid images of those intense protests and fires burning this past summer glared in my mind; but that was never my intention.

When I last talked to my mother, I told her that I loved her and that I would be back soon.

When I last talked to my father I told him the same thing. He just smiled as he saw the flag wrapped around me. He of all people knew how much I loved my country.

When I last talked to my husband, he kissed me and he knew my spirit would prevail.

When I boarded the plane, I never imagined I would be making headline news.

But now it is too late. Or is it? Will I be remembered as a traitor? Will I be seen as just another one of the mob? Will I be hailed a PATRIOT in my own right? A martyr? A hero?

Will I receive the same accolades as those men this past summer whose images I saw plastered everywhere after they too were unarmed and shot by policemen? Weren’t they known criminals? Will people say it was a different issue then? Was it? Is there a double standard here that I don’t yet understand? Will I ever?

Or will I just be remembered as an unhinged protestor who stormed the capitol and got what she deserved? Hadn’t I already been trampled on by some of these same politicians as I served and protected them as a high-level security official?

Did I tell you that I had served my country for 14 years and was proud of my brothers and sisters in the armed forces?

I never wanted this to happen, I never planned for the capitol to be assaulted with broken windows and all. I merely went there because I believed in a true democracy and that my voice would be heard. Where else would I be heard if not in the birthplace of democracy? I had tried everything else, but nothing seemed to matter to these politicians who had promised us so much.

Did I tell you that I wanted to “protect, defend, build, enrich, inspire, and unite with All Americans?”

I had so many dreams still in my heart that I wanted to fulfill. Please tell me this is all a dream. Please. And if it is not, I am truly sorry Mom and Dad that you had to witness my death on television. I am truly sorry.

Please don’t judge me without having walked in my shoes. I was merely trying to exercise my constitutional rights. I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that after having served overseas for so many years, I came “home” to die! How can life be so ironic?

When I left my home, I prayed to God that everything would be okay; but I now understand that He had BETTER plans for me. I have heard the phrase that “all is fair in love and war,” but some battles leave no victors. Only broken hearts and scars remain, and it makes me wonder it was ever worth the fight. I don’t understand it now, but I will trust that everything WILL be okay. Allow my pain and what went wrong today, for God to make it right for all of us. It is now between God and me which is how it has always been. I will accept my fate.

America: I am truly truly sorry for dying, but not for being at the Capitol expressing my beliefs.

And to this day (almost 2 years later) as she continues with the editing of her draft, there has been zero justice for the nonsensical death of Ashli. In a video that has since been released, Michael Byrd is seen coming from behind and running to the door where 7 other security officers were stationed and shooting her through the broken door. What prompted him to shoot over the other officers already there? Why did he not file a police report later? More than 500 documents from DC Metropolitan Police concerning the fatal shooting of Ashli Babbitt on Jan. 6 reveal witness accounts stating she was NOT holding a weapon at the time of her death and how “visibly upset” the officer was after shooting her.

“These previously secret records show there was no good reason to shoot and kill Ashli Babbitt,” stated Tom Fitton, president of Judicial Watch, which obtained the documents through a May 2021 FOIA lawsuit. Finally, to make matters worse, he is an African American man and Ashli is a white conservative woman.

Sadie knows that tonight, she will be able to sleep and allow every emotion to come, but not allow it to fester. She wishes to dream deeply because it is as she dreams that God speaks to her. It is as she dreams that at times, she finds herself in heaven. She believes that every one of us has a purpose in life, and a right to choose our beliefs and how we live our life. If we only stop pointing fingers none of this will be in vain. It is not about who is right or wrong, which party we belong to, or he said, she said, they said, we said. In her humble opinion, it is about ALL of us remembering that we are all sinners and that God does forgive those that repent. And that above all, we will ALL heal if we go back to our true source.

(Inspired by 2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.)